I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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