you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
