my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This baby is an asshole
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize