Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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