Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
