escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
