the condom got lost in my hair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
