I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
