when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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