I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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