I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
