Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
