Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
