There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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