Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
