My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
