the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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