i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize