we have officially lost it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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