OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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