i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My bed smells like the plague
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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