people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What a dumb baby whore.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
