so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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