i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
