Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
