I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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