two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
