So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
