theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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