I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize