His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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