I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
