trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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