last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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