It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
