he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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