HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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