I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
