so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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