Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
