If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
