I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
