totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
