apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
