The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
