Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
