I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
