oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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