Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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