tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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