Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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