i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
