break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
