Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
