do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
