I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
