yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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