Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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