My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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