I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
its liver damage thursday
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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