Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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