his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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