I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
