dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The best revenge is premature balding
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
